Emotional Intelligence

 In a 2001 study, college roommates were asked about how well they understood themselves and one another. They tended to believe they knew their roommate better than their roommate knew them. They also believed they understood themselves better than their roommate understood themselves. Both sides, apparently, had privileged access to the more complicated person. The study was part of research by Emily Pronin and colleagues on what they called the “illusion of asymmetric insight.” Across six studies, people tended to think their understanding of others exceeded others’ understanding of them. It is an uncomfortable starting point for an article about self-awareness, because the temptation is already to picture a roommate who needed to read it. I think that temptation deserves some attention. Most of us can identify another person whose description of themselves bears little resemblance to the experience of dealing with them. Recognizing the same discrepancy in ourselves requires acc...