What I Wish Someone Had Told Me Earlier When Starting a New Job

I used to think honesty was always the best policy at work. Boy, was I wrong.

Picture this: You're three months into a new job, still figuring out the rhythm of your team, when your manager drops by your desk with a question about a project you've been tangentially involved in. Your first instinct? "I'm not sure." It's honest, right? It's straightforward. It should be enough.

Except it isn't.

What I've learned through years of awkward silences and missed opportunities is that workplace communication operates on a completely different frequency than everyday conversation. There are unspoken rules floating around every office, and nobody's going to hand you a manual.

When "I Don't Know" Isn't Enough

The truth hit me during a team meeting early in my career. Someone asked about quarterly projections, and I gave my standard "I'm not sure" response. The room went quiet for just a beat too long. Later, I watched as colleagues fielded similar questions with responses like, "I don't have the exact figures, but based on what I've seen in Q2, I'd guess we're trending upward. Let me pull those numbers and get back to you before end of day."

Same lack of complete knowledge. Completely different impact.

The revelation was this: people aren't actually looking for perfect answers. They're looking for satisfying ones. They want to see that you're engaged, that you're thinking, that you care enough to try. A satisfying answer shows effort, demonstrates competence, and builds trust.

Instead of stopping at "I don't know," I learned to say things like:

  • "I'm not familiar with that specific process, but I do know how the related system works..."
  • "I haven't encountered that exact scenario, but my instinct says..."
  • "Great question – let me research this properly and send you a thorough response by tomorrow morning."

Each response signals something different than a flat "I don't know." It shows you're willing to engage, to think critically, and to take ownership.

The "What Do You Think?" Trap

Then there's that moment every office worker knows: someone poses a question to the room and suddenly all eyes are on you. "What do you think?"

For the longest time, I'd default to something safe like "That's interesting" or "I see your point." These responses aren't wrong, but they're forgettable. They position you as someone who agrees but doesn't contribute.

The shift came when I realized that these moments are opportunities, not tests. When someone asks for your opinion, they're actually inviting you into the conversation as an equal. They want to hear your perspective, not just your validation of theirs.

Now when faced with "What do you think?" I try to:

  • Share a genuine point of view, even if it's incomplete
  • Identify what resonates with me and what gives me pause
  • Think beyond the immediate question to the bigger picture
  • Consider what we should tackle next

Instead of "That's a good point," I might say, "I think you're right about the timeline being aggressive. What concerns me is whether we have enough buffer for the approval process. Maybe we should build in an extra week there and see if we can compress the development phase instead?"

It's not about having all the answers. It's about showing that you're actively thinking about the problem.

The Art of Asking Better Questions

But here's where I really messed up early on: I was so worried about looking stupid that I stopped asking questions altogether.

I'd sit in meetings, completely lost, hoping everything would eventually click. Meanwhile, my silence was sending the wrong message entirely. My colleagues weren't thinking, "Wow, they really have this figured out." They were thinking, "Do they even care about this project?"

The fear of asking "dumb" questions was actually making me look less competent, not more.

When I finally started speaking up, I made another mistake: asking completely open-ended questions. "I'm stuck, what should I do?" or "Can you help me figure this out?" These questions, while honest, dump the entire problem-solving burden on someone else. They suggest you haven't done any legwork yourself.

The breakthrough came when I learned to give people something to react to. Instead of asking for solutions, I started presenting my thinking process and asking for feedback on my approach.

The formula that changed everything:

  1. Acknowledge what you're struggling with
  2. Show what research you've already done
  3. Present the options you're considering
  4. Share which direction you're leaning and why
  5. Ask if your thinking makes sense

"I'm trying to figure out the best approach for the client presentation. I've looked at the templates from our last three pitches and reviewed their industry preferences. I think I could go with either a data-heavy approach focusing on ROI, a narrative approach emphasizing their growth story, or a hybrid that starts with story and backs it up with numbers. I'm leaning toward the hybrid because it seems to match their communication style, but I want to make sure I'm not missing something. Does that approach make sense to you?"

This type of question accomplishes several things at once. It shows you've done your homework, you've thought critically about options, you have a preference based on reasoning, and you value their input. It's collaboration, not delegation.

The Homework Rule

The underlying principle here is what I call "doing and showing your homework." Before bringing a question to someone else, exhaust your own resources first. Check previous emails, dig through shared files, search internal databases, even do some quick internet research.

But here's the crucial part: don't just do the homework, show it. Make it clear that your question comes after genuine effort, not before it. This transforms your question from an interruption into a collaboration.

When you show your homework, you're signaling several important things:

  • You respect other people's time
  • You're resourceful and self-directed
  • You can think independently
  • You're willing to learn and grow
  • You see yourself as a problem-solver, not just a task-completer

Why This Actually Matters

These might seem like small adjustments, but they add up to something much bigger. Every interaction is a chance to demonstrate who you are as a colleague and professional. Are you someone who engages thoughtfully or just goes through the motions? Do you take ownership or deflect responsibility? Can you think strategically or just tactically?

The way you ask and answer questions becomes part of your professional reputation. It influences how much responsibility people are willing to give you, what opportunities come your way, and how others perceive your potential.

I wish someone had explained this to me earlier. Not because the rules are particularly complex, but because they're so rarely made explicit. We're supposed to just figure it out, and many of us stumble through years of suboptimal interactions before we do.

The good news is that once you see these patterns, they're not hard to implement. It's mostly about shifting from passive to active engagement, from deflection to ownership, from asking for answers to asking for feedback on your thinking.

Your colleagues are waiting to see what you'll contribute to the conversation. Give them something worth reacting to.

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