The Hard Truth About Letting People Go: Why Your Job Isn't Done When the Meeting Ends

I still remember the first time I had to fire someone. After months of struggling with their performance, having difficult conversations, and losing sleep over whether I was doing the right thing, I finally called them into my office. The conversation went better than I'd expected. They were professional, even understanding. I walked back to my desk feeling this enormous sense of relief.

"Thank God that's over," I thought. I actually called my spouse and said exactly those words. I felt like I could finally breathe again, like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Then I went back to work, ready to move on.

What I didn't understand then—and what took me years to learn—is that my job had just begun. While I was feeling relieved that the hard part was over, for them, the hardest part of their professional life was just starting.

The Moment Everything Changes

Here's what happens when you let someone go: for you, it's the end of a long, difficult process. You've agonized over the decision. You've tried to make it work. You've had multiple conversations. By the time you reach the final meeting, you've already done the emotional work of accepting that this person needs to leave.

But for them? This is often the worst professional moment of their life. Even if they saw it coming, even if the conversations have been happening for months, the actual moment of being let go feels like a death. It's public, it's embarrassing, and it attacks their sense of self-worth in ways that are hard to describe unless you've been through it.

I learned this the hard way when I ran into someone I'd let go about a year after the fact. I expected maybe some awkwardness, but I wasn't prepared for the pain I still saw in their eyes when they talked about how the whole thing had been handled. That's when I realized I'd been thinking about firing all wrong.

The Four Rules That Changed How I Handle Departures

After that uncomfortable encounter and some serious soul-searching, I developed four non-negotiable rules for letting people go. These aren't just nice-to-haves—they're ethical imperatives that separate good managers from those who create unnecessary damage.

Rule One: No Surprises

Nobody should be surprised when you walk into that room to say, "I'm afraid we've reached the end of the road." If someone is genuinely shocked when you let them go, you've failed as a manager long before that conversation happened.

This means having real, direct conversations about performance issues as soon as they emerge. Not vague hints or gentle suggestions, but clear statements like, "Your project completion rate is concerning, and we need to see significant improvement in the next 60 days."

It means documenting problems and creating improvement plans with specific milestones. It means being uncomfortable in the moment so that everyone knows exactly where they stand.

I've seen managers who think they're being kind by avoiding difficult conversations, but there's nothing kind about letting someone think they're doing fine when they're actually on thin ice. That's not kindness—that's cowardice.

Rule Two: Preserve Their Dignity at All Costs

Being let go often feels like a public death to the person experiencing it. They're embarrassed, they're scared, and they're vulnerable. Your job is to protect their dignity throughout the entire process.

This means having a plan for how their departure will be handled. How will you tell the team? What will you say to clients? How will their workload be transitioned? None of this should be left to chance or handled on the fly.

It means treating them with the same respect during their final weeks that you showed when you hired them. No whispering behind their back, no avoiding eye contact, no treating them like they're contagious.

I once worked with a manager who had security escort a departing employee out immediately after the termination meeting. The person hadn't done anything wrong—they just weren't a good fit. But that walk of shame destroyed their reputation and made everyone else on the team feel like they could be next. Don't be that manager.

Rule Three: Love Them Out the Door

This might sound strange, but you need to actively support someone as they leave your organization. That means helping them think through their next steps, offering to serve as a reference if appropriate, and generally being encouraging about their future.

I make it a point to remind departing employees of their strengths and the value they'll bring to their next role. Yes, this position wasn't working out, but that doesn't mean they're worthless or unemployable.

Sometimes this means helping them craft their story for future interviews. Sometimes it means introducing them to contacts in your network who might have better-fitting opportunities. Sometimes it's just being available to answer questions as they navigate their job search.

The goal is for them to leave with their head held high, knowing that while this particular role didn't work out, they're still capable of success elsewhere.

Rule Four: Pay the Money

If your organization can afford it, and if the person leaving wasn't terminated for integrity violations, give them the best severance package you can manage. This isn't charity—it's dignity preservation.

A good severance package does several things: it gives them breathing room to find their next role without desperation, it demonstrates that you value them as a person even though the job wasn't working, and it helps ease the financial anxiety that makes job searching so much harder.

I always go to HR and my boss to advocate for the most generous package possible. "This person worked hard and had good intentions," I'll say. "They deserve our support as they transition."

Why This Matters Beyond Individual Cases

Here's something that took me years to understand: how you handle departures affects everyone who stays. Your team is watching. They're seeing how you treat people when things don't work out. They're asking themselves, "If I ever struggle, will I be treated with respect or thrown away?"

When you handle departures with dignity and support, you build trust with your remaining team members. They know that even if they face challenges, you'll work with them professionally and treat them as human beings, not just resources to be discarded.

When you handle departures poorly—with surprises, humiliation, or coldness—you create fear and insecurity that poisons your entire team culture.

The Long Game of Leadership

Is following these rules easy? Absolutely not. After you've let someone go, every instinct tells you to look the other way and pretend it never happened. You want to focus on your remaining team and move forward. The emotional labor of supporting someone who's leaving feels exhausting when you're already dealing with the disruption their departure creates.

But here's my test: if I ran into this person in a parking lot a year from now, could I look them in the eye and shake their hand? Would they be able to say, "I landed on my feet, and thank you for how you handled my exit"?

That's the standard I hold myself to now. Not just whether I made the right decision to let them go, but whether I handled it in a way that preserved their humanity and gave them the best possible chance to recover and thrive.

The Responsibility We Don't Talk About

Nobody teaches you this part of management in business school. They teach you how to hire, how to motivate, how to set goals and measure performance. But they don't teach you how to help someone leave with their dignity intact.

Maybe that's because it's uncomfortable to think about. Maybe it's because we want to believe that if we're good managers, we'll never have to fire anyone. But the reality is that not every hire works out, and not every performance issue can be fixed.

When that happens, how you handle the departure is just as important as any other leadership decision you'll make. It's a test of your character, your values, and your understanding of what it means to be responsible for other people's careers and lives.

The person you're letting go will remember how you handled it for the rest of their career. Make sure it's something you can both be proud of.