Stop Being a Cheerleader or Critic: Why the Best Leaders Think Like Coaches

I used to think great leadership meant being either really encouraging or brutally honest. Turns out, I was completely wrong about both approaches.

Over the years, I've watched countless managers fall into one of two camps when developing their teams. They either become relentless cheerleaders, constantly highlighting everyone's strengths and positive qualities, or they turn into harsh critics, always pointing out what people are doing wrong.

Both approaches feel logical. Cheerleading seems supportive and motivating. Criticism feels honest and improvement-focused. But after seeing these strategies play out in real organizations, I've learned they both miss the mark entirely.

The Cheerleader Trap: When Strengths Become Weaknesses

The cheerleader managers I've worked with have great intentions. They spot people's natural talents and try to amplify them. "You're amazing at public speaking!" they'll say. "You should lead more presentations." Or "Your analytical skills are incredible - take point on all our data projects."

This feels good in the moment, but there's a dangerous side effect. When people get too comfortable leaning on their strengths, those same strengths start working against them.

I learned this lesson the hard way early in my career. I was naturally good at thinking on my feet during meetings. People praised my ability to respond quickly to unexpected questions and come up with solutions in real-time. My manager loved this about me and kept putting me in situations that required quick thinking.

The problem? I got so used to improvising that I stopped preparing properly. I'd walk into important client meetings with barely any notes, figuring I could just wing it. My quick-thinking ability had become a crutch that was actually making me less effective.

This pattern shows up everywhere. The charismatic leader who stops doing their homework because they can charm their way through presentations. The highly assertive manager who becomes so focused on persuading others that they forget to listen. The detail-oriented person who gets so lost in perfecting every small task that they miss big-picture deadlines.

My favorite way to think about this now: a weakness is just a strength that's been overused or misapplied.

The Critic's Dilemma: Deflation Over Development

On the flip side, I've seen leaders who think their job is to constantly point out what people are doing wrong. They catch every mistake, highlight every area for improvement, and make sure no one gets too comfortable with their current performance level.

These managers usually mean well too. They want to push people to get better, and they believe honest feedback is the path to growth. But what actually happens is much more destructive.

I remember working with a supervisor who seemed to find fault with everything I did. Even when projects went well, she'd focus on the three things that could have been better instead of acknowledging what worked. After months of this, I started doubting whether I was capable of doing anything right.

That's the trap with constant criticism - it doesn't motivate people to improve. It makes them question whether they have any potential at all. When someone's confidence gets shattered, they stop taking risks, stop volunteering for challenging projects, and start playing it safe just to avoid more negative feedback.

The Coach Approach: Balance and Growth

The best leaders I've encountered operate completely differently. They don't just cheer people on or tear them down. They act like coaches.

Think about a great sports coach. They see their players' natural abilities, but they also know those abilities need to be developed and channeled properly. They point out weaknesses, but in a way that feels like a roadmap for improvement rather than a personal attack.

Most importantly, coaches believe in potential. They look at someone and think, "You're pretty good today, but I can see how much better you could become."

This perspective changes everything. Instead of just celebrating current performance or criticizing current problems, coaches focus on the journey from where someone is to where they could be.

When I started managing this way, I noticed my team conversations shifted completely. Instead of saying "Great job on that presentation" (pure cheerleading) or "Your slides had too much text" (pure criticism), I'd say something like: "Your storytelling in that presentation was compelling - I could see the audience was engaged. For next time, let's work on simplifying your slides so that storytelling really shines through."

This approach acknowledges what's working while pointing toward specific growth opportunities. It builds confidence while maintaining momentum for improvement.

The User Manual Revolution

Here's something that's always frustrated me: when you buy complicated technology, it comes with detailed instructions for how to operate it effectively. But human beings - who are infinitely more complex than any device - come with no manual whatsoever.

I started asking my team members to create their own user manuals, and it became one of the most valuable exercises we ever did together.

The process involves three essential questions:

What are my strengths, and how can I use them more effectively? This isn't just about identifying what you're good at, but understanding how to apply those strengths strategically without letting them become weaknesses.

What are my shortcomings, and how might I address them? Notice this isn't about eliminating weaknesses entirely - that's usually impossible. It's about managing them and finding ways to work around them.

What are my blind spots, and how can I become more self-aware? This is the most important question because it's the hardest for people to answer alone. We all have gaps in how we see ourselves.

That third question is where the magic happens. I started asking my team members: "What do you know about me from working with me that you wish you had known on day one? What do you observe about my work style that I might not realize myself?"

These conversations were eye-opening. I learned that my tendency to think out loud during meetings was confusing people - they couldn't tell when I was brainstorming versus making actual decisions. I discovered that my rapid-fire communication style was overwhelming for some team members who needed more time to process information.

None of this feedback felt personal or attacking because it was framed around building a better working relationship, not fixing character flaws.

Making It Work in Practice

Creating these user manuals became a two-way street. I'd help team members identify their patterns and blind spots, and they'd do the same for me. This created a culture where feedback felt natural and development-focused rather than punitive.

The key was timing and framing. These conversations happened during regular one-on-ones, not during crisis moments or performance reviews. We approached them with curiosity rather than judgment.

I also learned to be specific about growth opportunities. Instead of vague feedback like "you need to be more strategic," I'd say something like "I notice you dive deep into execution details really quickly, which shows great thoroughness. I'd love to see you spend more time early in projects stepping back and asking whether we're solving the right problem in the first place."

The Long Game

This coaching approach takes more time and effort than simple cheerleading or criticism. It requires you to really understand each person on your team - their motivations, their natural patterns, their growth edges.

But the results are worth it. People feel seen and supported while still being challenged to grow. They develop self-awareness about their own working style and become better at managing their strengths and weaknesses.

Most importantly, they start believing in their own potential for growth. Instead of thinking "this is just who I am," they start thinking "this is who I am today, and I can become even better."

That shift in mindset changes everything - for them and for your entire team's performance.

The best leaders aren't cheerleaders or critics. They're coaches who see potential everywhere and know how to help people reach it.

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